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Joy Studio - blog

Every once in a while, I come across a lady who on seeing my prices says, “I cannot justify spending so much on myself.”

I then ask her if she has daughters.

Why do I ask that?

Because, it seems to me that men don’t have a problem with spending money on themselves. And that is the behaviour that has been modelled for them by their father and what they are modelling for their sons. And if a woman says that, she is modelling that behaviour for her daughters who will go on to think they need to curtail spending on themselves because they don’t feel worthy enough to spend money on something they truly desire.

It’s all very innocuous and subliminal, but insidious. Always putting others first even when it’s not required. We become please-pleasers exchanging our authenticity for other people’s validation. We become enablers trying to fill up our lack of self-worth with the feeling of being needed.

We have been doing it for centuries. We need to stop. Take small baby steps to reclaim our worth even if it means spending money on ourself, ESPECIALLY if it means spending money on ourself. Because, obviously money had value and spending it on ourself is a sign that we are of value.

As an ex-sufferer of this syndrome, I can attest to the fact that changing my behaviour completely changed my self-perception. Back then when I was buying cheap clothes and sometimes not buying things for myself that I desired, subliminally I felt that I didn’t matter enough. The mortgage mattered more, the bills, the gifts, the needs of others mattered more. I was unconsciously saying to myself that my needs or desires mattered less than all these other things.

I remember the time when I would walk around the clothing store, see something I liked and pass it by when I saw the price tag and then walk to the ‘Sale’ rack. I felt small and in lack and that translated to ‘I lack worth’.

Now, I buy what I like no matter the price tag. I don’t go to ‘sales’ anymore. At restaurants, I don’t look at the prices anymore, I choose what looks interesting or what I like, no matter if it’s the costliest. After all, if I die tomorrow, the mortgage and the bills will somehow be paid, but I wouldn’t have got to do the things I desired in the moment because I had this insidious thought that always kept me feeling small “I cannot justify spending so much om myself”.

I THINK I AM WORTH IT!

Photo courtesy -Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels